If you are guy, you will understand what i am about to say. You will smile to yourself and say, "yeah, he's right. i do love it". Thesis statement: Peeing outside is great. I don't know what it is about it, but its special. Maybe its the way it sounds hitting the ground. Maybe its that you don't have to aim at all (just keep it off the shoes). Maybe you just feel like you're part of nature at that moment, out in the elements, bein a man, doin what men do. And what do real men do? They pee outside. You may also find that going from an elevated place, say off of a deck, is even more fun. It is for this reason that i am emotionally torn. You remember Jason. Well recently this half of the Spanish Armada lost some recess time, I'll start from the beginning.
The surface of the sun (otherwise known as the playground) was extremely steamy that day. The kickball was intense. Tension was so high before the game that i knew i would have to be "All Time Roller" for both teams. I don't generally play kickball with them. If I were to play on a regular basis, our students would suffer from many more head injuries than is normal. It's not that i aim for their heads, its that my aim isn't very good. But my arm strength is, especially compared to that of a 2nd grader. So the game progresses. People are getting tagged out at home, miraculous catches are being made, and the number of home runs is incredible. The game even managed to arouse some spectators (those who are weak kickball players and generally don't even watch the game). No one wants to miss a thing. At this point, they will play dehydrated, injured, and crying with tears running down their cheeks as they make the out. Now Jason is intense. He loves playing more than anyone else i think has ever loved playing kickball on that court. He will slide across the surface of the sun without hesitation, without regard for self, a true lover of the game and everything it stands for. I look around to make sure the outfield is ready before the role (this kicker has chosen a "bouncy" role, so there is a better chance of a pop fly). But wait, what is Jason doing? Why is he by the telephone pole?
"Jason!!" i cry out in a convicting voice, as i know he is up to something, "What are you doing?". He quickly walks away form the pole and starts to play with the grass.
"Nothing" he replies as he paws the ground with his foot. "Can i go to the bathroom?"
I knew it, i knew it the moment i saw him standing there that way. Standing the same way i have stood so many times before (maybe not on a public playground). I know what's coming, i know what i have to do. "Jason, were you peeing on that pole?"
A sad, slow, and unconvincing "Nooo" comes his reply.
"Jason, were you just peeing?" I know, but i still don't want to believe. I walk to the pole, look down, and there it is. The Evidence. The sun reflects off of the wet spot near the base of it. The reflection off of it burns my eyes as i remove my polarized glasses. I can see where it started, and trace with my eyes the trail down the pole into the grass at its base. "Jason, why, why would you pee outside?"
An even slower "I dunno" while not making eye contact.
"What were you thinking?" I ask, although i know what was going through his mind at the time as i have had the same thoughts run through mine: It's here, I'm here, i have to go. The dog can go here, why can't I? Besides, it will save water by not having to flush, and it hasn't rained in a while so we really need the water.
He just stand there and shrugs his shoulders. "Jason, go inside to Mr. Loveland. You have no more recess this week."
I killed me to say it. The boy (and maybe even the man) inside of me says he did what he had to do. The teacher inside of me says i can't allow that on the playground. I am caught in a cosmic battle full of inner turmoil. My male instincts vs. teacher logic and reason. Can i really punish him for this? Shouldn't i praise him in front of the others for following his intuition and instincts? Alas, the game had to go on, I will deal with it later i tell myself. "Who's up?"
I tell Mr. Loveland about it when i get back. I explain my stress over it, and he agrees; peeing outside is good, but not on the public playground. Jason's Aunt is told about it when she picks him up. She sighs in a thick Spanish accent, "I know, i know. He always does this. He doesn't want to stop playing so he just holds it until he can't hold it anymore. Then he just has to go where ever he is."
Jason's love for playing, not just kickball, but playing anything is outstanding. He has a passion i admire. His love, when combined with skill, will take him to the top of whatever sport he may pursue. His only obstacle will be a bad public image for the many "Urinating in Public" violations/citations he will receive. I swear, when you work with kids it may not be a code yellow, but there is always gonna be something with urine.
***I wrote this originally for my e-mail group. If you want to be added, go to Vicarious Island Living to subscribe and read the other ones i've written.
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