Why can't i cry?
All i want to do is laugh.
I want to apologize.
Someone should apologize to me.
I want to be at a concert.
I'm tired of all the noise.
I want to leave.
I'm going to miss here.
I want to be left well enough alone.
I need comfort from others.
I want to learn.
I'm tired of school.
I want to lead.
I'm lost, i need someone to lead me.
I want things to be simple.
Simplicity is boring. I hate boring.
Tell me what i want to hear.
Leave me alone.
I've got it all figured out.
I'm confused.
I've got it made.
I'm poor.
What do you think?
Don't preach at me.
What should i do?
I don't need your help.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
Stormy Day
It's storming like crazy outside right now. Earlier today it was beautiful outside. Some pretty white clouds floatin around up there and blue skies in between. Now there is darkness and rain. I've got the door open and I'm really enjoying the sounds of the storm. Solomon talks a lot about "chasing the wind" in Ecclesiastes, "life is just chasing the wind". He's talking about how most of the things we pursue are worldly. Worldly things fade away, in the grand scheme of things, they mean absolutely nothing. Whether it be money, possessions, the next high, or the next girl. And he did chase money, possessions, drugs, and women. He found none of them satisfying. None of them added anything to his life. When he dies, none of it will matter or remain. Chasing the wind.
I feel that sometimes we may have realizations, and misinterpret things that happen or things we hear. We work hard to focus on things that matter, things that count in life, and to not worry about perishable things. We have a false expectation that when we stop "chasing the wind" and start living this way, that the wind goes away. That could not be farther from the truth. When we stop chasing the wind, its almost as if another wind starts chasing us. A storm develops. When this storm develops, we run from it. So at this point we've stopped chasing the wind so that we can in turn run from another wind. Maybe the storm catches up with us. What do we do then? We become unhappy. Where do we turn for happiness and satisfaction? Most of the time we begin chasing that first wind again, even though we've already established it will be in vain. This cycle will infinitely repeat. Unless.....
We turn around and face the storm. What does a storm bring with it? Rain. What does rain do? It provides us with water to drink. It provides the ground with water to grow grass and trees and flowers. Things that we see as beautiful and fully embrace as wonderful things in life rely on that storm. Seems as though there might be more to a storm than just grey days and sad Friday afternoons.......
I feel that sometimes we may have realizations, and misinterpret things that happen or things we hear. We work hard to focus on things that matter, things that count in life, and to not worry about perishable things. We have a false expectation that when we stop "chasing the wind" and start living this way, that the wind goes away. That could not be farther from the truth. When we stop chasing the wind, its almost as if another wind starts chasing us. A storm develops. When this storm develops, we run from it. So at this point we've stopped chasing the wind so that we can in turn run from another wind. Maybe the storm catches up with us. What do we do then? We become unhappy. Where do we turn for happiness and satisfaction? Most of the time we begin chasing that first wind again, even though we've already established it will be in vain. This cycle will infinitely repeat. Unless.....
We turn around and face the storm. What does a storm bring with it? Rain. What does rain do? It provides us with water to drink. It provides the ground with water to grow grass and trees and flowers. Things that we see as beautiful and fully embrace as wonderful things in life rely on that storm. Seems as though there might be more to a storm than just grey days and sad Friday afternoons.......
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Pope gonna go through this again soon XIV
I must preface today's thoughts with disclaimer type stuff. I am generalizing this, so nobody should take offence. I'm not catholic and don't completely understand everything that entails, so maybe I'm way off the mark. This is something that happens a lot in society, not just with the Pope, but he happens to be the current figure. The Pope is a great guy. He provides a unified voice for a large concentration of people. He is moral and good. He is a godly man. But recently, it seems as though he has been treated more as a god than just a godly man. Some people have only been paying attention because they are bored with the Michael Jackson trial. But if you watch the news, there are thousands and thousands turning out in what seems almost worshipful manner. Many times we take great men and we elevate them to god-like status without even realizing. Millions will poor tears when a great figure dies, which is fine. Mourning is normal, we are supposed to. But what bothers me is this someone died, that's it. They didn't die for anything in particular, they just died. People will get together on their birthday or annual day of their death and cry. They will hold vigils and travel hundreds or thousands of miles to do these things, just because someone wrote great songs, or was a great artist, or was a great church leader. The reason we have a Pope is because 2000 yrs ago someone else died. And its not because he was a great carpenter that we should remember him. Its not even because he came from a virgin or because he fed many people with half a fish, or healed the masses. These things are all part of it, but none of which is important on their own, or cumulatively, unless the final deed was done. Its because he sacrificed himself for us. He had a choice to make, whether or not to do it. Now, he made the choice before he even came here, but we get a true glimpse of his humanity when he cries in the garden for another way. But yes he died for us. This in itself is amazing. But he rose again....That's the truly amazing thing about it. Christmas....The birthday. We venture to the church to pay homage and say a prayer or two, take the lords supper, then rush home to see what someone got for us. We usher away the first gift we were given to make room for that brand new sweater. Easter....Same effect.
No attacks on the Pope here, he just spurred the thought.....and listening to a beatle's song and thinking about Lennon fans.
No attacks on the Pope here, he just spurred the thought.....and listening to a beatle's song and thinking about Lennon fans.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
To Do List
It seems as though my life is becoming cluttered. The day I become responsible for my self is accelerating toward me at an unbelievable pace. I graduate in May. May 13th to be exact. I have things I want to do before I leave college. I also have things I want to do before I leave the country.
Before I leave college, I want to randomly fly to New York and see the Lion King on Broadway. You may be thinking something negative at this point, but shut up. I have started planning when this may be possible. It appears a weekend trip is not going to be possible. This year, I have two exams. The last one is May 9th at 11 am. This gives me the 10th and 11th to travel to New York and back........what else am I going to do with my time? But will I be able to find someone who would go? I feel a senior who is also getting ready to graduate is my best bet. Someone who is fearing the realworld and dreads graduation because their 4 year vacation is over. Possibilities........
Before I leave college, I want to have a crawfish boil at my house in Auburn. This is extremely doable. However, it will take away a possible New York weekend. But, we may have that worked out already.
Before I leave the country I want to go on a road trip. Not one to a place for a weekend, but a road trip to a distant place I've never been requiring many stops and many new people along the way. Couple of options for this one. 1) Ed has to drive a car to California where he will work at JH ranch. I can hitch a ride and fly back from the Pacific. However he may be leaving before I am able to. 2) I have applied for a reality TV show called Reality Trip (www.realitytrip.org). This will send me in an RV through seven states with 5 other people. This accomplishes the road trip and makes a great story. It will take place during the month of June. This however pushes my St. John plans back until the beginning of July as opposed to the middle of June. 3) Someone reading this decides, yeah, I wanna go on a road trip too. They call me and tell me lets go.
Before I leave the country I want to eat sushi at Ru Sans in downtown Nashville.
Before I leave the country I want to go camping.
Before I leave the country I want to see Dave Matthews Band play a show.
Before I leave college, I don't want to go to this class I have to go to instead of writing more. What a dork, its almost as if I go to a good school.
Before I leave college, I want to randomly fly to New York and see the Lion King on Broadway. You may be thinking something negative at this point, but shut up. I have started planning when this may be possible. It appears a weekend trip is not going to be possible. This year, I have two exams. The last one is May 9th at 11 am. This gives me the 10th and 11th to travel to New York and back........what else am I going to do with my time? But will I be able to find someone who would go? I feel a senior who is also getting ready to graduate is my best bet. Someone who is fearing the realworld and dreads graduation because their 4 year vacation is over. Possibilities........
Before I leave college, I want to have a crawfish boil at my house in Auburn. This is extremely doable. However, it will take away a possible New York weekend. But, we may have that worked out already.
Before I leave the country I want to go on a road trip. Not one to a place for a weekend, but a road trip to a distant place I've never been requiring many stops and many new people along the way. Couple of options for this one. 1) Ed has to drive a car to California where he will work at JH ranch. I can hitch a ride and fly back from the Pacific. However he may be leaving before I am able to. 2) I have applied for a reality TV show called Reality Trip (www.realitytrip.org). This will send me in an RV through seven states with 5 other people. This accomplishes the road trip and makes a great story. It will take place during the month of June. This however pushes my St. John plans back until the beginning of July as opposed to the middle of June. 3) Someone reading this decides, yeah, I wanna go on a road trip too. They call me and tell me lets go.
Before I leave the country I want to eat sushi at Ru Sans in downtown Nashville.
Before I leave the country I want to go camping.
Before I leave the country I want to see Dave Matthews Band play a show.
Before I leave college, I don't want to go to this class I have to go to instead of writing more. What a dork, its almost as if I go to a good school.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Sunday, April 10, 2005
The NeverEnding Story
I watch this classic from our childhood on saturday. I'm sure i'm the only person of those who would be reading this that has seen it from start to finish anytime this last half decade. I never caught the premis until now. Yeah Fantasia is being destroyed because people are losing their dreams, we get it. But, in the end of the movie, the Child Emporess is explaining how Bastion doesn't realize that he is part of the NeverEnding Story. Just as he is enjoying their adventure, some child (or in this case a 22 yr old college student) is enjoying his. Much like the movie Last Action Hero staring Arnold the Governor except on a more mythical and entertaining level.
What if someone were watching us? What if we were part of some greater tale? Would my story be entertaining? Would people laugh or cry more? Would they even be entertained? It's a fun thought to roll around and chew on for a while.
Now, if you believe as i believe, that there is a God and that he is watching us, then maybe there is something to this notion. This leads me to realize several things:
1. When reading a good book or watching a deep movie, if written well, the reader becomes emotionally involved with the characters. We cry when they cry and we laugh when they laugh. We feel extreme highs and extreme lows as we interact with the characters. In this way, except on a much larger scale, God is watching our story. He laughs when we laugh, he is sad when we are sad.
2. When we are reading a story, many times we have more information than does the character, because we can see more of what's going on through our knowledge of other characters and their doings. We know what path will lead the character to danger, and which one will lead him away from the danger. We know this because we can have almost perfect information about the events and surroundings. In this way God knows our story from start to finish, he knows which path we should take. It's important to realize that sometimes the easist path isn't the best for us. Sometimes (many times), its the harder path that is best for us, which prepares us for a future unavoidable path that we would not be able to survive had it not been for our experience on the previous path.
3. We have no way of getting this character the information needed, and he has no way of asking us for help. This is where the difference comes in. Luckily, the reader, and in fact writer of our story, is there for us to ask. Much like we want the best for the character we are relating to, He wants the best for us. Sometimes its hard to understand in the present that something is best for us. It may be days, weeks, months, or even years before we understand. In fact, sometimes we may never understand: Enter faith. I think everyone has faith. You either have faith that there is something more, or you have faith that there is nothing more, that we are just a result of perfect conditions allowing for life to develope and evolving to where we are now. Niether of the two can be proven. I prefer the faith that gives my life meaning, that i have a purpose, that i'm not just a result of a chain of events started by nothing.
What if someone were watching us? What if we were part of some greater tale? Would my story be entertaining? Would people laugh or cry more? Would they even be entertained? It's a fun thought to roll around and chew on for a while.
Now, if you believe as i believe, that there is a God and that he is watching us, then maybe there is something to this notion. This leads me to realize several things:
1. When reading a good book or watching a deep movie, if written well, the reader becomes emotionally involved with the characters. We cry when they cry and we laugh when they laugh. We feel extreme highs and extreme lows as we interact with the characters. In this way, except on a much larger scale, God is watching our story. He laughs when we laugh, he is sad when we are sad.
2. When we are reading a story, many times we have more information than does the character, because we can see more of what's going on through our knowledge of other characters and their doings. We know what path will lead the character to danger, and which one will lead him away from the danger. We know this because we can have almost perfect information about the events and surroundings. In this way God knows our story from start to finish, he knows which path we should take. It's important to realize that sometimes the easist path isn't the best for us. Sometimes (many times), its the harder path that is best for us, which prepares us for a future unavoidable path that we would not be able to survive had it not been for our experience on the previous path.
3. We have no way of getting this character the information needed, and he has no way of asking us for help. This is where the difference comes in. Luckily, the reader, and in fact writer of our story, is there for us to ask. Much like we want the best for the character we are relating to, He wants the best for us. Sometimes its hard to understand in the present that something is best for us. It may be days, weeks, months, or even years before we understand. In fact, sometimes we may never understand: Enter faith. I think everyone has faith. You either have faith that there is something more, or you have faith that there is nothing more, that we are just a result of perfect conditions allowing for life to develope and evolving to where we are now. Niether of the two can be proven. I prefer the faith that gives my life meaning, that i have a purpose, that i'm not just a result of a chain of events started by nothing.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Easter Candy
I have noticed that easter candy is much better than normal candy. I am mainly speaking of chocolate. Why is this I wonder? I have a theory: Scott's Theory on the Origin of Easter Chocolate. Normaly candy producers just pump candy out and put it on a shelf. Its generally all the same. The wrapper is the same no matter when it is made, so you don't know how old it is. There is a good chance that generally anytime we buy candy from say, Kroger, that it has been in the manufacturer's warehouse for a while. Then it is sent to Kroger's warehouses. Then it is sent to individual stores where it waits until it is needed in the checkout aisle. If it happens to be close to a holiday, then there is an even longer shelf time for this piece of candy seeing as how people are buying the special stuff instead of the normal stuff. I am probably pointing out the obvious, but i am a marketing major at auburn and i have nothing better to do. Pressing on, so the candy makers have no where near the incentive to forecast normal candy sales as they would Easter candy sales. It can be left on the shelf and no one will know the difference. This said, the need to accurately forecast Easter sales is important. After Easter, who wants easter candy? You know how old it is because you know how long ago easter was. So the candy you eat at easter is much fresher than the candy from the check-out aisle.
This is what i do with my day.........this and trying to figure out my stupid Ipod.
This is what i do with my day.........this and trying to figure out my stupid Ipod.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Ipod Shmypod
This is not user friendly. Could i have spent the extra money and gotten a new one? Sure. Could i have asked someone for help before i went along trying to "ipod" on my own? why not. But i didn't, and now i'm raging. You gotta have a different cable for everything on this stupid contraption, and apparently, my computer isn't advanced enough to have the normal USB connection. The "dude, your getting a dell" guy is full of crap.
Ipod: Small, White, Ineffective
Ipod: Small, White, Ineffective
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